Remembering "Bart Gets An F"

 This morning, rather than science fiction, we step into the wayback machine and remember when cartoons were relevant.  See what I did there?  No, Sherman, we do not need to go that far back in time, although ironically enough, next Sunday will be another time travel book.*  This morning only requires us to set the dial for 1990.  In that bygone era, The Simpsons was actually a good and funny show, and it was also what passed for edgy entertainment.  Bart misbehaved.  He also neglected to study (and lacked the native intelligence to compensate for not studying).  So, he flunked a history test, and only dreamed of going back in time, himself.

Then he cried, and yes, he is a child, but in the midst of his crying spell, the teacher took pity on him because he mentioned some obscure historical tidbit.  Out of pity, the teacher gave him a D-, not because he actually earned a passing grade, but out of pity, and compared to his normal record of failure, it seemed like a moment of triumph.

Triumph, it may seem, is relative to the height of the bar as it has been set by past performance or lack thereof.  When someone fails, and fails, and fails, thus lowering the bar for triumph to the mere height of a speed bump, it may be celebrated with all the revelry of an Olympic high-jumper's family and friends watching a new record being set.

When all that happened is that Bart's teacher took pity and gave him a D-.

There are, of course, several differences between Bart Simpson and Kevin McCarthy.  Bart ran for class president, lost, and then never tried again.  While he lacks intelligence or a moral core, he also lacks an ambition which outstrips either.  McCarthy, on the other hand, is locking the entire country into a more-asbestos pledge, and OK, when I started this post, that was not the episode I intended to discuss, but the muse takes me where she takes me.

Back to Bart's GPA.  There are, of course, two elements to the story.  There is the lower standard, and the pity factor.  Bart did not actually pass, but he was given a passing grade anyway in an unknowing hat-tip to the everyone-gets-a-trophy era.  And then there's the reason.  Pity.

Kevin McCarthy has the gavel, and we shall see whether or not he assaults Nancy Pelosi with it.  Or Paul.  Despite the atmosphere of celebration within the House GOP, his performance seeking the gavel really was akin to Bart's score on that history test.  He failed.  And failed, and failed, and failed, and kept on failing, and it was only by the pathetically low bar set by his own record of failure that Kevin McCarthy's end result looks like a victory.  It's a D- at best, keeping in mind that he promised away all of the power of the Speakership to get the physical object of the gavel.  And no, it wasn't exactly pity, so much as a combination of McCarthy conceding everything, and the five original detractors either yielding or accepting victory, or... is there a difference at that point?

But that was it.  That was everything McCarthy had, and everything he ever will have.  And it was still only enough to get him just enough "present" votes for the roll call equivalent of a D-, on the 15th vote, after giving up everything, making the gavel worthless.

I'm joking today, but worry.  Worry about the debt ceiling, and other necessary business, because the House of Representatives matters.  Class president does not matter.  It does not matter if the fourth grade votes for Bart Simpson or Martin Prince.  Hell, I'm faculty, and most of the shit on which I am asked to vote does not matter.  The House?  It matters, and Bart Simpson is Speaker.  Yeah, I'd rather have Martin Prince.  What of it?

For music, we're doing a twofer today.  I just couldn't decide.  First, we have some bluegrass-y stuff to play on the Peabody/Sherman intro.  The Waybacks, "Gone Wayback," from Devolver.  Then, since the post drevolved around that grade, let's listen to The Aristocrats, and their wonderfully titled, "D Grade Fuck Movie Jam," from Freeze!  Guthrie Govan on guitar.  A case can be made that he is the greatest who ever lived.

*Master of the Revels, by Nicole Galland, which is the sequel to The Rise and Fall of D.O.D.O., cowritten by Neal Stephenson and Galland.