Quick take: Leave Peter Doocy's mom alone!
In the hypothetical case that anyone read this obscure, pretentious, little blog, such a reader would understand that I enjoy profanity. The taboos that we place on language are usually silly and arbitrary, and the act of violating these taboos becomes an iconoclastic act of refusal to submit to rules that make no sense. George Carlin always has been, and always will be the closest thing I will ever have to a hero. Yet, there are some "curses" that I do not use, and among them, "son of a bitch." Why? It is an attack on the wrong person. It is an attack on the mother of the person whom you wish to attack. If you wrong me and I call you a "son of a bitch," I have misdirected my counter. Your mother has done nothing to me, and I have no information pertaining to whether not she is a bitch. She may be a bitch. She may not be a bitch. Her bitch-itude is both unknown, and irrelevant to the question. The problem is you, presuming that I am correct and that you have somehow wronged me. I have a moral obligation to leave your mother out of it. Why does this particular curse exist? You humans have this strange quirk by which you attribute value to each other based on lineage. If your ancestors were cool or important, this somehow imbues you with merit, and if your ancestors sucked, this somehow means you suck. I do not understand why you humans still hold to such nonsensical beliefs, but you do, and as a consequence, you creatures still use this bizarre epithet, "son of a bitch."
And so I say, leave Peter Doocy's mom alone!
Peter Doocy is, in fact, stupid. His question was stupid, it was a bad attempt at gotcha, he is an asshole, he should not be indulged, and anyone who feigns horror at Biden's supposed "hot-mic" moment, but said nothing about Trump threatening actual violence against journalists... no.
Seriously. Is inflation a political liability? That question is a) beyond stupid, b) why would you ask the President to engage in electoral analysis, c) particularly of such a simple-minded form, d) the intent was not to gain any information or insight into Biden's mind but to try to make him look bad on camera, so e) fuck Peter Doocy.
Not, I repeat, not his mom.
Son of a bitch? No. Peter Doocy is a bitch. I have zero information about his mom. She may be a very nice person. I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt, lacking any other information.
Dear Peter Doocy's mom: On behalf of our crude, and misdirected President, I apologize. His remarks were inappropriate, and our President owes you better. May your day be filled with joy and good health.
Y'all think I'm being sarcastic, right? Right? Don't lie to me. You think I'm being sarcastic. I'm not! I honestly have nothing against Peter Doocy's mom. That's the whole point! Peter Doocy? Yeah. He's a moron and an asshole, and an embarrassment to the profession of journalism.
But Joe Biden owes an apology to Peter Doocy's mom. Not to Doocy, to his mom.
Learn to curse properly.
You really and truly have nothing against Peter Doocy's mom?
ReplyDeleteMarried to Steve Doocy. Remains married to Steve Doocy. Raised Peter Doocy. Has not publicly disowned Peter Doocy.
At some point, you have to update your priors.
I am going to update my statement, yet still dissent from your argument. You assert that I should treat this as a matter of Bayesian reasoning. In Bayesian terms, there may be reason to think that there is a higher-than-baseline probability that Peter Doocy's mom is a... [in Cartman's singing voice] big, fat bitch. I, however, do not treat this as a Bayesian matter. I am unwilling to call her, like Kyle's mom, a big, fat bitch without having direct knowledge of the truthfulness of that statement. Eric Cartman's probability of singing may be higher in the case of Peter Doocy than, say, Hunter Biden, saying nothing of Hunter himself, (Jill strikes me as a good person, and points for being a professor) but in order to begin the serenade, I demand direct confirmation. Now, show me a video of Peter's mom at a MAGA rally preparing the special roast of the neighbor who moved next door when the covenant agreement was discovered and tossed out of court with extreme prejudice, and sure, yeah, then I'll call her far worse than a bitch. How likely is this scenario? Well, if she's married to Steve Doocy, it is not zero. He's a psychopath, an idiot, a racist, and more besides. Yet I am not willing to cast aspersions without direct evidence, so I will not begin the Eric Cartman serenade.
DeleteYet... Steve. Here's the thing. Perhaps I was too hasty in my interpretation of the word, "bitch." Is STEVE the bitch? I could go along with calling STEVE Doocy a bitch, in which case, yes, Peter Doocy is a "son of a bitch." So if we are flexible with our interpretation of the word, "bitch," then perhaps we can accept the characterization of Peter as a son of a bitch, with the caveat that the bitch is Steve rather than Peter's mom, who may or may not have any similarities to Kyle's mom. We'll let Eric Cartman decide.
Oh, Steve....yeah, that works. Drop your objection.
Delete