Have a Q-osher for QAnon Thanksgiving!

 As a foodie and blogger, I must ipso facto be a food blogger, and it is my social duty to promote social cohesion during these difficult times by helping you to ensure than your holiday meal is as inclusive as possible.  With that in mind, let's all keep these tips in mind to balance the health, dietary and political restrictions of our conspiracy-minded relatives, and in so doing, we'll avoid any unnecessary conflict beyond what's already going to happen tonight when your asshole uncle gets drunk.

The first thing to keep in mind is that it is very important to pre-brine your Thanksgiving baby.  If you buy your baby at a Q-osher butcher, or it it stamped with a "Q," it will of course be pre-brined, but Butterball babies-- those big, fat things at your local grocery store getting slapped by rednecks?  Those have not been pre-brined, and they will not only dry out, they will not meet the dietary restrictions of Q-ashrut.  So you see, this works out all around.  I realize you may be reading about this a bit late, but take about a gallon of water, a cup or so of Q-osher salt, ideally you soak for a day or so.  Brine that baby up and it'll be the tastiest baby that ever kept you young through devil-infused magic, while simultaneously letting Uncle Cletus feel included.

Next, the blood.  This is obviously very important.  Your Q-ashrut rituals are all about the proper procedures from slashing the throat of that baby and bleeding it.  Quick, deep stroke of the knife, bleed it fast.  It's all about the humane bleeding process.  Go read those rules, and there's a training process.  That's part of why you pay more at the Q-osher butcher.

Blood, obviously, is a key ingredient in your gravy.  You can do a blood pudding if you want, but that's a little British, and that rather defeats the purpose of the holiday, doesn't it?  No, gravy is the way to go.  Also, your QAnon relatives then have the choice of no-gravy, and they don't have to drink the blood of the baby!  You see?  They can enjoy the moistened meat of the brined baby, without having to enjoy our ritual of youth-preserving blood, and everyone is included.  It's all about inclusiveness.  Inclusiveness and drinking the blood of babies in a satanic ritual.  And inclusiveness.

Of course, they may still feel excluded, not having that baby blood, so you can provide them with some Manischewitz, or something.  Once they decide to grow the fuck up and drink their baby blood like big boys and girls, they can have baby blood gravy and real wine.  Until then, Manischewitz for them, and if they don't like it, fuck 'em.

Not that we say that to them.  It's all about inclusiveness and mutual respect and all that fucking bullshit.  Actually, it's all about the baby blood, and I hope you pre-brined your baby, but let's keep the annoying QAnon-fuckers from making a mess of this Thanksgiving like always, right?

Anyway, with these few, simple tips, you can have a multi-religious Thanksgiving, enjoy your baby, let Uncle Cletus whine about Italian satellites fixing the voting machines, and microchips in the vaccines, and when he passes out from the roofie you slip him, vaccinate his redneck ass.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Jonathan who?  I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about!

And as usual, the Drive-By Truckers, "The Thanksgiving Filter," from Go-Go Boots.