A new school year, and the return of in-person classes while the delta variant of COVID rages

 HAP-py New Year!  Wait, what calendar do you use?  Gregorian?  Chinese?  Jewish?  I use the academic calendar.  In my little corner of the universe, the new year starts tomorrow, by which I mean, classes start tomorrow.  The 2021-2 Academic Year.  Which... I suppose is tied to the calendar built by those wacky monks, but whatever.  January 1 means nothing to me, except that it causes me to fuck up the year the first few times I write it.  The first day of an academic year means something to me, and perhaps to you.  And tomorrow means something big.

I haven't seen the inside of a classroom in a bloody year and a half.  Alas, there has been actual blood.

If you look at business surveys, employees these days are polled on whether they would like to return to "the office," or continue working from home.  I have not seen these surveys break results down by job type, but some jobs just don't work quite as well from home, and "the office" is rather different from "the classroom."  Many parts of the professorial profession can be done from home, and usually are, which is why professors often worked from home on the days we didn't teach, before COVID hit.  Those are the days we write, and I don't mean "blogging."  That said, I'll spare you another rant on why I think Zoom sucks.  Mostly.  Classrooms are way better than Zoom.  Zoom is to the classroom as a pirate's hook is to an amputated hand.  It will suffice for a few tasks, badly, if you have been in the unfortunate position of needing it, but don't fool yourself into thinking that substituting one for the other means you're good to go.  And realistically, there are one or two things you might do more effectively.  Hangin' out over Ye Olde Grille, there have been a couple of times that a hook would have done me more good than a hand, and we've all burned ourselves cooking sometime, but get real.  That hook is no substitute for a hand, and Zoom is no substitute for a classroom.  Were there some benefits?  Yeah, but Zoom sucked.  Yo-ho, yo-ho, the classroom life for me!

But COVID is still here.  The delta variant is spreading, idiots are helping it spread by refusing vaccines and refusing to wear masks, and hey!  Remember when that dipshit, Eric Trump, predicted that COVID would go away the day after the election because the whole thing was a conspiracy to take down daddy?  Yeah...no.  I actually remember the moronic shit these people say, and catalog it.

Anyway, these lies were, in fact, lies.  Coronavirus is still here, and still raging, because these people help make it worse.  Yet we're headed back into the classroom.  Those of us at the collegiate level have an advantage.  Our institutions can do things the sane way, not having psychopathic fools like Ron DeSantis getting in our way, trying to kill as many kids as possible, along with the adults to whom they spread the virus, through forced negligence.  We can require not only masks, but vaccinations.  Age plays a bit of a role there, but as a professor at a private institution, and not one of those crazy bible colleges, or whatever, we're pretty much all vaccinated.  And we've got mask requirements too, thanks to that asshole, Deltie, as I'm calling her.  For whatever reason, I get the image of Delta Burke in my head.  Do you have the mental image of Delta Burke, running around, breathing noxious viral clouds into peoples' faces?  You do now!  You're welcome.

Anyway, two choices.  Classrooms with masks, or Zoom.  This is what we call, a "no-brainer."  It should also be a no-brainer to get the vaccine, but alas, we have a shortage of brains in this country.  At the start of the pandemic, we analogized it to the zombie apocalypse.  Were that the case, it would have starved itself out, this country being too fucking stupid to feed a zombie onslaught.  So instead, we have a pandemic that could have been over, if we had enough zombie food.  You see the problem.  But I'm getting off track, as usual.

Anyway, two choices.  Classrooms and masks, or Zoom.  (Deja Vu).  No-brainer.  Zoom was horrible.

Yet, we need the masks.  Why?  Delta.  Even with a fully vaccinated campus, here's the deal.  We have a lot going on.  Let's say I'm in my office, having a meeting with one other vaccinated person.  Our rules say to wear masks, so we wear masks.  Hypothetically, let's say another pair breaks that rule, deciding, hey, we're vaccinated!  How big a risk are they running, in terms of transmission and infection?  Negligible, but non-zero.  They don't have to worry in practical terms, but it is non-zero.  The real issue, and the reason we have this rule is... scale up.  The more people you add, the more possibilities of transmission you have.  Pack 'em into a 300 person lecture hall, and vaccinated or no... you start increasing those transmission risks.  It'll happen.  Particularly with Burkie.  Low-probability events become likely the more trials you create.  You can't create a massive outbreak when everyone is vaccinated, but you can get some breakthrough infections, with low likelihood of hospitalization.  Then, here's the kicker.  You have waning efficacy and the need for boosters.  We're looking at an 8 month time horizon, with efficacy potentially waning before then, and everyone on different time frames for their boosters?  Packed into 300-person lecture halls?

Mask up, kids.

That waning efficacy thing... that's the kicker in my opinion.  And the only way to manage it is to maintain a mask requirement.  Sorry, it sucks, but we gotta do it.  Get ready for your booster shots!  And until then, entertain yourselves by doing the Darth Vader thing.

Now in a lecture hall, passively taking notes, the kids' masks aren't going to matter.  Here's my big, ole' question mark.  What does this do to seminars?

I... guess I'll find out.  But here's the thing.  They're bloody hard on Zoom.  Known thing.  Masks have an indeterminate social effect on classroom college seminars.  It's a... "known unknown," and yes, that's a valid observation and distinction.  With masks and vaccines, it should be safe.  And Zoom just sucked.  What now?  Um...  This... will be weird.

Vernon Reid & Masque, the title cut from Known Unknown.  Reid is the guitarist for Living Colour, but he has plenty of other projects.  He is a genius and one of the greatest virtuosos in rock history.