So I've been thinking lately about crime. Of course, there are many varieties of crime, and this is a big topic of discussion as the left rallies to the self-own of "Defund The Police." As we contemplate the many varieties of crime, one may think back to the famous line from Woody Guthrie's "Pretty Boy Floyd," shamelessly stolen by that overrated hack, Bob Dylan. Now, as through this world I rambled I seen lots of funny men; Some will rob you with a six-gun, Some with a fountain pen. Interestingly enough, when those of the white collar persuasion have done their best to screw me over, they have generally favored ballpoint pens, whereas I am an honest, hipster douchebag who likes fountain pens as a weirdo affectation. And yes, I am watching their pens, and judging them for their pens, and I judge you for your pens. Hipster douchebag, like I said. Moving on. Many varieties of crime, from white collar crime to street crime. Let's talk about ...